What have I done with my life?
The answer is not much. Mostly keep myself alive, entertained, and with enough money coming in to support both. Is this enough? Not really. Not unless I don't think about it. I want to get back to school, I want to really study philosophy, and most of all I really want to be a scholar, but the barrier to entry is time, money, and an understanding of how to do it. The last one there is the hard one. Knowing nothing about scholarships and schools, I find myself paralyzed by indecision. Without a clear path to go forward, I idle on the path I know.
I need a life machete, I need to get myself moving on this. It is officially my goal to be back in school and learning by the time I hit 30. I figure two years is a sufficient time to get the ball rolling. Of course it's also a sufficient time to give up and fail so I suppose there's a danger as well.
My greatest failing is my inability to rouse myself to action when I'm not helping someone other than myself. I find accomplishing anything that directly benefits me and only me, is an uphill battle of titanic per portions. WHY? What makes my own wellbeing so worth skipping over? I want good things for myself but I don't get to have them, or they aren't worth striving for. The only reason I'm pushing myself to go back to school is for my old professor. She wants it for me, and I want to make it happen for her, but if that push wasn't there I wouldn't even consider the effort.
Sloth is my name.
I want to fight this part of me. I want to be accomplished. I WANT GOOD THINGS FOR MYSELF. To that end I'm going to write once a day this week. Sunday to Sunday. No matter how small or frivolous. I often worry to much about what I have to say, but once I sit down the words pour out. I can do this. It comes easily to me, but only once I start.The week begins now.
I am 28 today.
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