Thought of the Day: Birthdays are made for introspection

As of today I am 28. I suppose I'm two years early for the typical "what have I done with my life" questions, but then I started shaving my head when I was twelve to get used to being bald. I'm a forward thinker so thats the question on my mind today.

What have I done with my life?

The answer is not much. Mostly keep myself alive, entertained, and with enough money coming in to support both. Is this enough? Not really. Not unless I don't think about it. I want to get back to school, I want to really study philosophy, and most of all I really want to be a scholar, but the barrier to entry is time, money, and an understanding of how to do it. The last one there is the hard one. Knowing nothing about scholarships and schools, I find myself paralyzed by indecision. Without a clear path to go forward, I idle on the path I know.

I need a life machete, I need to get myself moving on this. It is officially my goal to be back in school and learning by the time I hit 30. I figure two years is a sufficient time to get the ball rolling. Of course it's also a sufficient time to give up and fail so I suppose there's a danger as well.

My greatest failing is my inability to rouse myself to action when I'm not helping someone other than myself. I find accomplishing anything that directly benefits me and only me, is an uphill battle of titanic per portions. WHY? What makes my own wellbeing so worth skipping over? I want good things for myself but I don't get to have them, or they aren't worth striving for. The only reason I'm pushing myself to go back to school is for my old professor. She wants it for me, and I want to make it happen for her, but if that push wasn't there I wouldn't even consider the effort.

Sloth is my name.

I want to fight this part of me. I want to be accomplished. I WANT GOOD THINGS FOR MYSELF. To that end I'm going to write once a day this week. Sunday to Sunday. No matter how small or frivolous. I often worry to much about what I have to say, but once I sit down the words pour out. I can do this. It comes easily to me, but only once I start.The week begins now.

I am 28 today.

Thought of the Day: Why Go Alone?

I have many thoughts on the nature of my life and experiences, but I often feel I lack the frame work or credibility to voice them. Because an experience or idea is something personal, and not necessarily shared I often feel that mine lack the validity to be voiced as truth. Of course if I go back to my second post I've already acknowledged that doubt as silly. Truth, no matter where or when it is experienced is still truth. My truth is no less strong for the fact that it is only mine.

Still the desire for validity remains and I find myself thinking, why reinvent the wheel? I've done it before, with the most notable being the discovery of Jung's archetypes about five years before discovering Jung. This time I don't feel like turning off the road into the tall grass. This time I'm going to read a little. Let's see where Philosophy for Dummies can get me. Also Doubt: A History by Jennifer Michael Hecht, Practical Kabbalah by Rabbi Laibl Wolf, The Kabbalistic Tradition edited by Alan Unterman, and the Cryptonimicon by Niel Stephenson. The last is due to using up my current vein of escapist mindrot.

Hopefully these will help give me some basis to start from, though where to start in that pile is the question...